This story appears in the May issue of Deseret Magazine. The message, she adds, was breathtakingly simple: “You need to take care of yourself because you matter. “I was just so overwhelmed by all that was happening in the world and I had this super clear vision that I needed to take care of myself,” she says. On a recent night at her home in California’s Bay Area - after her 6-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter were tucked into bed - Ho had an epiphany as she knelt, alone, in prayer. “Particularly when things are hard, I find the scripture studies - the things that I read - are direct answers to the things I need that day.” “I feel the hand of God in my life,” she adds. A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she remarks, “I don’t know how people get through these times without faith or the gospel to hold on to.” She says she has “an anchor and foundation in the gospel” and takes great comfort in the knowledge that “I can get on my knees and pray and get answers and be guided and make sense of things that are happening in the world.”

One way Ho takes care of herself is by nourishing her spirit. But Ho is questioning that idea, as well. Ho adds that, too often, our culture promotes women’s self-care as a first step to taking care of others - it’s that trope that every woman has heard: You have to put on your oxygen mask first. I’m fine, I’m fine.’ I’m trying to learn how to - instead of pushing back and saying, ‘I don’t need help’ - I’m learning how to say ‘thank you’ and express my gratitude,” she says. “I’m always like, ‘You don’t need to do that. Not only does Ho realize that it’s OK to rely on her community, she’s teaching herself not to actively resist when others offer to help.

This pandemic, this life, has really forced me to acknowledge that I have limits and that’s OK and that it’s necessary to lean on others to help you through.” The writing is a side hustle - it’s the thing I do on the weekends, in the mornings, at night. “I’m just barely keeping my head above water,” Ho tells the Deseret News. Though Ho has laid the Disney princesses to rest, amid the pandemic, she has found herself struggling with another unattainable ideal: The Woman Who Has It All - the working mom who manages to devote herself equally to her career and her children, capping off a productive day at the office by setting a hot, healthy meal down on the dinner table.

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